12 signs you’re not in love, you’re just afraid of being single

Being in love with someone is the best feeling in the world, isn’t it? But what if you’re with someone just because you’re afraid of being single? 

What happens when you’re not so sure that you even love them anymore? Well, to get to the bottom of that, we first have to recognize what signs show that you’re over your partner. 

So, without further delay, here are the signs you’re not in love; you’re just afraid of being single.

1) Fantasizing about others

Persistent daydreams about other potential partners suggest your current relationship isn’t fulfilling your needs. Emotional or otherwise.

As we all know, genuine love creates a sense of emotional fulfillment and connection. That’s why it’s so great when we finally find someone we love, and they love us back.

It’s why people created countless songs, movies, and books about love. 

So, if you imagine yourself with other people on a regular basis, that’s not a good sign. 

Besides, the fact you’re imagining yourself with others and not alone also indicates you’re afraid of being single again.

2) Lack of genuine connection

Placing a higher priority on avoiding being single than forming a deep and meaningful connection with your partner results in a shallow relationship without emotional intimacy and understanding.

When you kind of love your partner, and there’s a lack of a true connection, your relationship is basically over.  

For example, my friends, let’s call them Alex and Taylor, were a couple who primarily engaged in superficial conversations about their day-to-day activities. 

They rarely delved into deeper topics like their dreams, fears, or aspirations. They both shared this fact with me. 

The two of them clearly lacked a genuine emotional connection. They were basically staying together to avoid the discomfort of being alone instead of being truly in love.

3) Constant anxiety

Do you feel constant anxiety when you’re in a relationship, but you also feel it when the thought of being alone crosses your mind? 

Yeah, it’s not a good situation to find yourself in. However, when your fear of being alone drives you into relationships, the constant anxiety about singlehood can overshadow the true joy that should come from a loving partnership. 

True love should enhance your life, not simply provide an escape from any fears.

4) You feel like you settled

Settling for a partner who doesn’t align with your values, interests, expectations, and long-term goals leads to a lack of fulfillment and a sense of emotional emptiness. 

If you think you’ve settled, you might just be with them because you’re avoiding solitude. Life is too short to settle for things and people.

Work on your self-confidence and find out through self-reflection or even therapy why you have this underlying fear of being alone. 

5) Future doesn’t include them

When you’re in love, you naturally think about building a shared future. If your thoughts of the future exclude your partner, that’s a huge red flag. 

It suggests you’re not imagining a life together. Is this a result of differing life goals, a loss of compatibility, a change in priorities, or something else?

However, why do you stay in such a relationship? Why not build a future with someone who’s a better fit for you?

Getting out of a relationship doesn’t mean you’ll be single for the rest of your life. But it also doesn’t mean you have to rush into a new relationship immediately. 

6) You don’t feel excitement

The absence of excitement often originates from a sense of predictability that has settled into the relationship. 

The newness and novelty that once sparked anticipation and joy have died down. Activities you once enjoyed together have become routine, and the spark that made them special has faded. 

This lack of excitement can make spending time together feel more like an obligation than a genuine desire. 

Still, you’re afraid to get out of the relationship even though that wasn’t what you were looking for or expecting. 

You can either work on the relationship with your partner or break up. But if you aren’t sure you love them anymore, and you’re afraid of being alone again, that’s a tough situation. 

7) You rushed in

Some people rush into relationships. They meet them, spend some time together, and before they even know them all too well, they’re already in a marriage or a long-term relationship. 

From my experience, the impulse to rush into relationships often comes from the fear of being single. 

People don’t like to face their own thoughts and emotions when they’re alone. This can prevent them from truly getting to know someone and forming a strong, meaningful connection.

Rushing into anything is never a good idea. 

8) You’re irritated instead of patient

The shift from finding someone’s habits endearing to irritating reveals a shift in perception. 

What you once saw as charming, you’re now seeing as annoying. This change in your mind could come from a lack of patience or empathy, which are important aspects of a loving relationship.

My father was always very impatient, and so early on, I picked this up too, and I still have issues with impatience. 

9) One of you is dependent on the other

Relying solely on your partner for your self-esteem and emotional well-being suggests you lack self-love and self-assurance. 

A healthy relationship should complement your individuality rather than define it. If you’re too dependent on someone, or vice versa, you could be staying with them, not out of love, but other underlying issues.

When you’re dependent, you often struggle to make decisions, pursue your interests, or take independent actions without asking for your partner’s approval. 

Your identity becomes so intertwined with the relationship that you feel lost when not in your partner’s company. 

I’ve seen this happen many times. 

The fear of being single is so intense it results in reluctance to address relationship issues or conflicts. 

You end up prioritizing maintaining the relationship over addressing problems, which leads to unhealthy patterns and unmet needs.

This is the perfect segway into the next sign. 

10) Neglecting personal growth

Let me ask you something. Do you work on yourself? Do you have goals and aspirations in life you’re working on regularly? 

If you neglect personal growth in favor of focusing solely on the relationship, you slow down or stop your own development. True love encourages personal and mutual growth alongside the partnership.

Additionally, sacrificing your core values to maintain a relationship can lead to inner conflict and long-term dissatisfaction. 

It’s always best to work on yourself because life is unpredictable, and you never know, you could be single sooner rather than later. 

Plus, if you come out of the relationship or marriage with fewer skills than you had going in, you’ll be in a much tougher condition. 

11) You fear being alone more than anything else

If you fear being alone more than anything else, that’s okay. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. It’s a normal and understandable fear many people have.

However, it can prevent you from truly embracing solitude as a time for self-reflection, self-care, and personal growth. 

Healthy relationships are built on two whole individuals coming together, not two halves seeking completion.

I have a friend who stayed in a marriage much, much longer than she should have. She also explicitly told me that the fear of being single again was the reason for doing that. 

12) Lack of intimacy is crushing you

And lastly, if emotional or physical intimacy feels forced or lacking, it’s a good indicator your relationship might be driven by fear instead of genuine emotional connection and attraction.

As we know, intimacy goes beyond physical closeness. It’s about emotional vulnerability and a deep connection. 

But when one side or both avoid intimacy, it often reflects emotional distance. 

This could be due to unresolved conflicts, a decline in emotional intimacy, or personal factors affecting your willingness to connect on a deeper level.

One of those is you’re not in love anymore (or wasn’t at all), and you’re simply afraid of being single. 

Final thoughts

Fear of being single is a powerful emotion that can stop you from living the only life you have to the fullest. 

If you think and feel you’re not in love with someone, face the music. Don’t stay with them because of your fears. 

However, the bigger question is, why do you fear being single again? Do you know that without the commitments of a relationship, people can explore the world more freely?

They can also channel their energy into personal projects and hobbies they’re passionate about.

But if you realize you do love your partner after all, work on the relationship if you feel it’s not in the right place.