12 things men don’t realize they’re doing that make their partner feel unloved

I can say that I’ve made many mistakes in my relationship and now marriage. 

Many of them cost my wife her nerves, and she may even doubt at times if I love her at all. 

Now, I’m not talking about anything major, like cheating or something, but rather that, like most men, I’m simply not vocal and appreciative of her contributions often enough. 

That’s why, in this article, I’ll examine what we men do wrong in relationships and the things we don’t realize we’re doing that make our partners feel unloved.

So, let’s begin!

1) Forgetting to say “I love you” often enough

Verbal expressions of love are essential for emotional connection. When you neglect to say “I love you,” you easily create a void in the emotional connection between you and your partner. 

It’s not just about the words themselves but the reassurance and affection they communicate.

On the other hand, I’d rather show my love than say it. Because someone can say “I love you” but not really mean it. 

It’s how we behave towards our partner that is the most important. But yes, you should also say it out loud regularly. 

2) Ignoring their feelings or dismissing them

Emotions are an essential part of being human. When you ignore or dismiss your partner’s feelings, it can quickly make them feel unheard and even unloved, something we can all agree is deeply hurtful.

For example, your partner confides in you about something that’s bothering them. And what do you respond with? 

“It’s not a big deal, Honey. Don’t worry about it.” 

That’s terrible, right? You trivialize their feelings and make them feel unimportant.

If your girlfriend or wife wants to have a serious conversation about something important to them, and you consistently avoid these discussions or shut them down, you hands down don’t care about their feelings or concerns.

3) Being emotionally distant or closed off

Emotional intimacy is about sharing your thoughts, feelings, and vulnerabilities with your partner. 

A typical mistake many men make is to act like a robot and be emotionally distant or closed off. What happens then?

You create a barrier, making your partner feel like they can’t connect with you on a deeper level.

For whatever reason, we don’t like to open up about our feelings and be vulnerable. We’d rather keep everything bottled up nicely inside until we explode (or not). Then, we don’t understand how no one understood our worries and concerns.

Well, of course, they didn’t. I mean, how could they when we never said anything out loud?   

4) Not making an effort to spend quality time together

Quality time is the cornerstone of intimacy and bonding. Choosing to spend time on other activities or with other people instead of with your partner can send a message that they aren’t a priority in your life.

Look, I get it. No man wants to spend their free time making collages or browsing through Pinterest.

But there are many, many activities that both of you would find interesting. You just need to find them.

That’s why there’s no excuse not to spend time with your SO.

5) Not actively listening when your partner wants to talk

Men were never the most attentive, but now, with the advent of smartphones, it’s even worse. 

For me personally, almost every conversation now (not just the ones with my wife) feels like a drag. My attention span is down in the gutter. 

But in order to have a healthy and loving relationship, active listening is a must. It involves giving your partner your undivided attention, maintaining eye contact, and empathizing with their feelings. 

By ignoring them or appearing disinterested, you convey a lack of respect and concern for what they have to say.

And what about this?

6) Taking your partner for granted

Who here hasn’t taken their partner for granted, at least sometimes? We all did. It just happens when you live a fast-paced, modern life. 

When you take your partner for granted, you assume they’ll always be there, and you don’t acknowledge their presence or make an effort to show your gratitude. 

You’re simply complacent and make them feel unimportant to you.

But the worst thing about this is just how easy it is to show appreciation for the little things they do.

Small gestures, like making breakfast or leaving a sweet note, are often the glue that holds a relationship together. 

7) Failing to express affection through physical touch

We can all agree that physical touch is a powerful way to communicate love, comfort, and closeness. 

When there’s no physical affection, your partner feels deprived of the warmth and connection that touch gives them.

Regular date nights and time set aside for yourselves are great ways of keeping affection in the center of the relationship, especially marriage. 

But it’s also much easier than that. A hug, kiss, massage, and similar regular touches are ways to keep things loving. 

And on the opposite end is this: 

8) Criticizing your partner instead of offering support

Imagine you’re on a sports team, and you’re out on the field trying your best. Still, your coach constantly points out your mistakes without ever giving you a pat on the back or encouraging words.

Well, in a relationship, it’s a bit like that. Constructive feedback is like coaching; it’s helpful and can make you better. 

But if all you hear is criticism without any support, it can wear you down. 

For example, if you come home and immediately start pointing out what your partner did wrong instead of asking how their day was or giving them a hug.

Constant criticism without a reassuring word or a loving gesture leads to your partner feeling like they’re constantly falling short.

Like they can never meet your expectations, and that can be tough on their self-esteem. 

So, next time, balance feedback with encouragement and support to help your partner grow and feel loved in the process.

9) Being unreliable or breaking promises

Think of trust as the glue that holds your relationship together. When you make promises or commitments, you’re giving your word, and it’s a big deal.

Breaking promises or being unreliable is chipping away at the trust between you and your partner. 

It can make them feel uncertain and question your love and commitment. They might start feeling like they can’t count on you, which can be tough to deal with in a relationship.

So, it’s crucial to keep your word and be dependable because trust is the foundation that keeps your love strong and steady.

10) Letting distractions like phones or work come between you

Distractions are a part of modern life, but when you consistently prioritize them over your partner, it’s not ideal, to say the least. 

We all must find a balance that shows our partners they are a priority.

Work is important but not the most important thing. What’s more important is our connection to our partner.

I could never understand how people could work the whole day and neglect their families, their partners, and even their kids. 

What’s worse is that we’re most productive if we work around 38 hours per week. And after 50, productivity takes a nose dive. 

11) Not participating in household chores and responsibilities

Ah, yes, the age-old trouble of men not contributing to household chores. And to this day, men still do less cleaning and scrubbing than women do. 

There are many explanations as to why that is, which I’m not getting into now. 

But the simple truth is that sharing the responsibilities of daily life is a way to demonstrate your commitment to the partnership. 

When one partner bears the brunt of household chores, it results in inequality and being taken for granted.

And that’s a big no-no. 

12) Being disrespectful or hurtful during arguments

Conflicts are inevitable in any relationship, but when they turn hurtful or disrespectful, they can leave emotional scars. 

In the heat of the moment, it’s easy to say things we don’t really mean. And this happens to both sides. 

But if that isn’t an exception but a norm, your partner may feel unloved and unsafe in the relationship as arguments cross these boundaries.

Apart from not doing it in the first place, you should apologize immediately and promise to do better. 

Final thoughts 

When we get complacent and take our partner for granted, many bad things can happen. It goes well beyond feeling unhappy or unloved and quickly leads to looking for happiness elsewhere – without you. 

So man up and be there for your partner and make her feel appreciated and loved. After all, that’s why you’re together.