10 signs you’re actually a great husband or wife, even if it doesn’t feel like it

If you doubt that you’re doing a good job as a partner, rest assured – it happens more often than you think.

Maybe you admonish yourself for not appreciating your significant other, you’re so busy that the romance has sizzled, or you don’t feel worthy of them anymore.   

The good news?

All marriages experience ups and downs. As long as you focus on the positive, you have a better shot at surviving the hard times together.

On that note, buckle up for a much-needed confidence boost. 

Here are 10 signs you’re actually a great husband or wife, even if it doesn’t feel like it.

1) You fight fair

If you’ve been fighting with your partner a lot, you might feel like you’re doing a poor job of maintaining a happy relationship.

I hate to break it to you, but long-term commitments and conflict go hand in hand.  

Sure, if you and your partner have screaming matches every day, that’s cause for concern.

Occasional bickering, however, is fine. So are big fights, notably when something doesn’t feel right between the two of you.

After all, you can’t fix the issue if you don’t talk about it. If you make a conscious effort to fight fair, you’re still a great spouse.

A few signs you’re handling conflict in a healthy way:

• You don’t insult your partner
• You make efforts to stay calm and not raise your voice
• You try to see their point of view
• You don’t pick fights when your partner is tired or busy
• You both engage in cooling-off periods

2) You’re emotionally mature

A big sign that you’re actually a great husband or wife, even when you don’t feel like it, is that you’re willing to evaluate the state of the relationship in the first place.  

Correctly identifying your feelings signals emotional maturity, a highly desirable trait in a partner.

Additional identifiers of someone who is emotionally mature:

• You can tell when your spouse feels unsatisfied
• You take accountability for your actions and mistakes
• You listen to your partner’s complaints
• You respect your partner’s boundaries

Recognize yourself? 

Then you’re proactive in managing your feelings, and you respect your significant other’s emotions.   

And if the next thing on the list also applies to you? You’re doing even better.

3) … and upfront about your feelings

It’s not enough to correctly identify your feelings. You have to share them with your partner as well.

Keeping things in builds resentment, negatively impacting the marriage in the long run.  

Moreover, your spouse can’t read your mind. If you don’t open up, there’s a good chance you’ll slowly grow apart.

Speaking up about the issues you struggle with or the negative thoughts that haunt your mind means that you’re on the right track.

Good job!

4) You think about your partner often

While your marriage should always be a priority, occasionally focusing on other areas of your life isn’t the end of the world.

Like your job, health, or helping a loved one who is experiencing hardship.

When this happens, it’s natural to feel like you’re letting down your spouse – especially if you’re stressed, or your mind is elsewhere.  

As long as you’re still thinking about your husband and wife often, you’re still a great partner to have around.

Even when life gets busy, it’s crucial to consider your significant other and appreciate them if they’re picking up the slack.

Things will eventually calm down, and you can reconnect on a deeper level.

5) You’re not trying to fix your significant other

When I mention thinking about your partner, I mean thinking about them in a positive way.

Everyone has flaws. Perhaps your partner is perpetually late, doesn’t know how to load the dishwasher correctly, or sucks at telling jokes.

If you’re aware of these flaws but still accept your spouse wholeheartedly, pat yourself on the back.

You’re an amazing boo.

Constantly bringing up your husband or wife’s shortcomings and trying to mold them to fit your standards better?

That’s a big no-no.

6) You’re open to trying new things

If the marriage goes stale, you probably question whether you’re doing everything possible to bring back the spark.

Don’t be too harsh on yourself.

When you’ve been together for a long time, occasional dry spells or periods of boredom are nothing to stress about.

You only need to start worrying when you notice that you no longer put effort into the relationship.

If you ignore your spouse, neglect their needs, and refuse to spend time with them.

But if you’re willing to try new things? Suggest changes that might spice things up?

Congrats! You’re actually a great partner.

And if you fall short on ideas on how to bring back the excitement, try one of the things below:

• Ask your partner on a romantic date
• Reminisce about old times over a bottle of wine
• Visit new places together
• Go on a chill, stay-in-bed vacation
• Take a class together or adopt a new hobby

7) You do your share of chores

As unglamorous as chores are, not doing your fair share around the house can cause your partner to take on too much. 

If they hold a grudge, they might distance themselves emotionally.

Thankfully, you’re not one to shy away from running errands or doing housework, making you a joy to have around.

Bonus points if you insist on doing tasks your spouse loathes just to brighten their day. This shows you really care, fortifying your connection.

The next time you feel like you’re failing your partner, remember all the stuff you do around the house.

Cooking a meal and folding the laundry may seem like the bare minimum, but these small things play a significant role in building a rewarding life together.

Don’t sell yourself short.

8) You enjoy your alone time…

Another sign that you’re a great husband or wife, even if it doesn’t feel like it: you enjoy your alone time.

It might sound counterintuitive, but being in a strong relationship doesn’t mean spending all your time together.

You shouldn’t lose your individuality, abandon your friends, or give up hobbies your partner doesn’t share.

A marriage is a partnership, but you’re still two separate people. 

And if you feel bad for engaging in activities without your spouse, it’s time to stop.  

9) … and you give your partner space

Similarly, kudos if you also encourage your partner to do stuff that excites them on their own.

You don’t need to tag along every time they go out, you shouldn’t snoop on their phone, and you should be supportive if they want to pursue an interest that doesn’t appeal to you.

As long as you’re doing all of this, you’re still a catch.

10) You work on yourself

Your partner isn’t responsible for your happiness. You are.

Blaming them for failing to meet your every need isn’t fair.    

A good husband or wife recognizes they’re going through a difficult time and takes matters into their own hands.

This can translate to giving yourself some extra love – and making sure that you’re actively working on overcoming the burden.

Whether you reach out to a therapist or do some self-reflection, striving to better yourself is a surefire sign that your wife or husband found a good one.

Wrapping up

Love and respect your partner. You can figure out the rest together.

And if you’re still doubting yourself, ask for reassurance.

I’m sure that your husband or wife will be happy to oblige.